


The One Worth Suffering For

by Triggerhappyjax



Category: NCIS
Genre: M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-03 00:26:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11520669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Triggerhappyjax/pseuds/Triggerhappyjax
Summary: This story is my ending to NCIS Season 13-ep2 “Personal Day”  and is named from a quote by Bob Marley:“The truth is everyone is going to hurt you-you just need to find the ones worth suffering for”This is a TIBBS pre-slash story. Nothing extremely graphic but you have been warned.





	The One Worth Suffering For

**Author's Note:**

> Here is a complete story for those of you waiting for more chapters of Devotion.

It was a quiet, early morning in the bullpen and he was alone.

This fact made Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo extremely grateful.

Sitting at his desk he worked diligently, finishing up the last of his overseas assignment paperwork, and fighting exhaustion he had been carrying around for weeks.

Running around Asia to eliminate the Calling had taken a lot out of him.

He rubbed at his tired eyes before chugging down his third cup of coffee.

He wasn’t losing any sleep over killing Daniel Budd but he was wracked with guilt over his feelings of failing Gibbs.

Gibbs had almost died on his watch and Tony was having a hard time coming to terms with that.

“T”s crossed and all “i”s dotted, he exhaled a breath as he hit send, distributing the report to those in the know: NCIS Director Vance, CIA Director Carter and CIA Agent Joanna Teague.

A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he remembered the weeks he spent in the company of the feisty CIA operative.

Tony’s experience with the CIA had never been a good one but Joanna Teague was so exceptional at what she did, working with her had been quite a learning experience.

She had lost her only son yet in her grief she had been such a comforting presence to Tony as his worry for Gibbs practically consumed him.

When Vance demanded he do his job he was okay with that but leaving Gibbs behind without knowing if he was going to make it or being there for him in case he didn’t survive had been a living hell.

Then news of Gibbs condition had been sporadic at best and the weight of worry was excruciating.

Tony had never prayed so much in his life and he was dangerously distracted.

Joanna became his voice of reason and she kept him focused.

She was also funny and their shared sense of humor kept him sane.

He chuckled quietly thinking how she had gotten them both out of some seriously sticky situations.

He knew in his heart that the mission would never have been a success had he been on his own.

The laughter died when he thought back to their coin toss deciding who would be the one to end Daniel Budd.

She had won the toss but seeing the pain and disappointment in Tony’s eyes she deferred to him.

Taking his hand she placed the coin in his palm, curled his fingers around it before leaning in to kiss his cheek.

She didn’t have to say a thing.

They had grown so close sometimes words weren’t necessary.

“Are you sure?” he whispered

She ignored his question asking:

“How will you do it?”

He didn’t hesitate as he slipped the coin in his pocket and rose to his full height.

“If I get the chance for a face to face, I’ll arrest Budd but if he resists, I will shoot him just like Luke shot Gibbs….but I will make sure the son of a bitch won’t be getting up.”

The memory of her misty eyes, determined smile and nod of approval warmed him.

He was so deep in thought he missed the ding of the elevator and was startled when he heard a cheerful “Good morning” from both Bishop and McGee.

“Uh…Hey….mornin’, Tim, Bish….” He said before focusing back on his computer.

He missed the look of concern his teammates exchanged as they powered up their computers and set about getting ready to start their day.

Tony stared at his monitor feeling weird that Gibbs had not been included in the e-mail.

Vance had warned him Gibbs was too close and was not to be bothered with any of the details during his recovery. Tony understood the reasoning behind it but he also knew Gibbs too well to be okay with being out of the loop.

In fact Tony had hoped that everything could just go back to normal but things had changed and “normal” was anything but.

Sitting back in his chair he looked towards Gibbs empty desk and felt lonely and sad.

His boss was back but his friend and mentor seemed to have died back in the desert at the hands of a child.

There was an invisible chasm dividing them now and Tony wasn’t sure how to deal with it.

Gibbs sure wasn’t addressing it.

Tony had been kidding when he asked Gibbs “So everything is back to normal?”

The expression he received in return had him asking Gibbs if they needed to talk.

Gibbs’ question of “What do you want to talk about DiNozzo?” had been cold and almost challenging in its delivery.

Tony wanted to say he was sorry not to have had Gibbs six.

He wanted to ask if Gibbs was okay and he meant mentally ok…Tony knew getting shot by a kid had to have messed with Gibbs mind.

But how to express his concern and get Gibbs to open up escaped him.

He thought about a life without Gibbs in it and he shuddered with the fear of that which in turn awakened thoughts of desire so deeply shoved to the back of his brain and stored for years…

But if he could just let go he would…

SCREAM… that he was so damn happy that Gibbs was alive and that he loved him…was IN LOVE with him and had been for years....but Tony knew he could never say those words.

It was his MOAS, his mother of all secrets, how he really felt about Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

He had all these thoughts but he had no words, just gestures-a shrug of the shoulders, a raise of his brows….but his boss had merely glared at him.

Then Gibbs stood and quickly departed leaving Tony feeling confused and with a sick feeling he still couldn’t shake.

The kind of feeling you get when you realize a relationship you are deeply invested in has begun to unravel.

Tony’s train of thought was derailed as Bishop asked “Will Gibbs be in today?”

McGee answered:

“He has an appointment with Dr. Taft this morning but he’ll be in later”

Tony turned to his right watching Tim clicking away on his keyboard.

He had no clue what Gibbs schedule was like and wondered how the younger agent was privy to that information as Tim added:

“Oh…WOW…check out what Abby sent to me!”

Tony looked at the plasma as Tim pulled up a “before and after” photo of Gibbs.

Ellie Bishop jumped up from her desk to join McGee in front of the main plasma screen leaving Tony to glance around wondering if McGee had lost his mind…if Gibbs showed up early….

“The man looks spectacular!” Timothy McGee grinned pointing at the after photo.

“It’s the makeover of the century!” Bishop added enthusiastically.

As the younger agents talked comparisons Tony gazed at both photos.

It had been exactly one month since Gibbs had returned to work.

His 6 week recovery from two gunshot wounds had been nothing short of a miracle.

At least that was the scuttlebutt circulating around the naval yard.

NCIS staff marveled that a man of Gibbs age could be shot in the knee and the chest, flat line on the operating table twice, been declared officially dead for several minutes yet here the man was… back in action looking better than ever.

Tony admired the new look Gibbs seemed to be cultivating.

Gone was the softer side of Sears and in its place were sharper suits, expensive shoes and the military hair cut had grown out and was professionally styled.

Tony smiled to himself remembering Abby’s words:

“He is still a silver fox, only foxier!”

He had to agree she was right.

Gibbs was thinner and seemed paler but that was to be expected with what the man had endured.

His outside was fine…it was his inside that had Tony really worried.

Now that the final reports were in, interviews, depositions and testimonies were all complete, Tony was determined to fix things between him and his boss….but since Gibbs seemed to have shut down and pushed Tony away it was going to take some time.

It was close to 11AM as Gibbs drove back to the naval yard.

Dr. Cyril Taft had given him good news.

He was now fit for active duty….no more riding a desk strictly acting as a consultant.

Taft still wanted him to take it easy telling Gibbs not to run down suspects and tackle them.

The chatty Doctor had advised him his new knee could handle the running but the chest injury could still be a sensitive area and Taft warned him to baby it.

“Leave the physical stuff to the young bucks or buckettes on your team!” Taft said, laughing at his own play on words.

Gibbs rolled his eyes but didn’t fight the smile.

The Doctor had saved his life and provided a shoulder to lean on.

They had met several times over the last month and Gibbs had to admit he enjoyed the man’s company.

They talked about many things and Gibbs felt comfortable bearing his soul.

But the Doctor was headed back to sea and Gibbs was on his own for the next 6 weeks.

He would see Ducky if he had any medical issues until Taft returned.

His psychological issues were another thing.

He didn’t want to discuss his feelings but he knew he needed to find a way to re-build his relationship with his SFA.

He was so furious with Tony and he wasn’t really clear as to why.

Gibbs had found a way to access the report on Daniel Budd’s demise.

He knew Tony had taken the terrorist down and just how he did it.

Gibbs had wanted Budd to be brought back alive.

He wanted to expose the bastard and everything he had done to the kids he had seduced…playing on their loneliness, stealing their innocence and making them into cold blooded killers.

He wanted to be the one to take Budd down….but Tony had taken that option away from him.

Then DiNozzo’s “Back to normal” comment had royally pissed Gibbs off.

Gibbs didn’t know what normal was anymore.

The ghost of Mike Franks had been haunting him, relentless in his warning to Gibbs to take heed.

When Franks prediction had come true, and Luke turned on him, Gibbs just couldn’t believe it.

When the shots rang out and the bullets entered his body, as much as it hurt, it was the astonishment that Luke pulled the trigger that filled his mind.

He zoned out as he hit the hard earth.

He heard Tony yelling and the sounds of panicked people moving about.

He barely felt Tony’s arms around him as he was lifted and carried at a run.

A scared voice told him to “Hang on boss, help’s coming!”

He must have passed out because when he woke up he was strapped to a stretcher traveling inside a helicopter.

He felt a warm hand holding his and when he looked up Tony looked down on him with fearful eyes.

The last words he remembered were “Don’t you fucking die on me, Gibbs!”

When he woke up again he was on an operating table.

He heard some guy running his mouth but it wasn’t Tony.

Looking around everything seemed to blur and he was scared.

He called out for the one person he wanted to see, the one person he knew would always be there and he could always trust without fail.

“Dinozzo?!” He had whispered

But there was no response.

His heart raced.

Had something happened to Tony?

Had Luke shot him too?

Had Gibbs just been imagining Tony carrying him or holding his hand?

Was his chance to tell Tony how much he loved him…had wanted him for years…gone forever?

‘What the hell!’ he thought as he finally admitted to himself his true feelings for Tony.

But then he died.

Kelly appeared and took his hand and together they went into the light and there was Shannon and they were so happy….He liked being dead.

But then Kelly made him face the fact that he had been living his life punishing himself for not being able to protect his girls.

He had not been happy, merely existing and just going through the motions.

She wanted him to be happy…to have a future.

He wanted to stay with his girls.

But it wasn’t his time.

He didn’t want to but he had to go back.

So he was back and everything had changed.

Gibbs parked his car and pulled his badge and gun from the glove box.

Stepping out of his vehicle he felt the embers of his anger towards Tony begin to ignite.

If Gibbs could be honest with himself it was his love for Tony that made him so mad.

Displaced rage at the object of his desire.

Tony could never be his and now that Gibbs had a grip on his feelings he needed to get Tony to move on. It would be best for Tony anyway. Gibbs knew he was a bastard and didn’t know why DiNozzo had stuck with him all the years he had.

Tony was an excellent agent and deserved a team of his own.

He would recommend Vance give him another shot in Rota…or anywhere else but DC.

Gibbs needed to get back to life as he knew it.

He was ready to take back HIS team and be back in charge.

He didn’t have a chance to assert his authority.

Gibbs had just stepped foot into the bullpen when he heard Tony say:

“Gear up…dead petty officer in the Potomac”.

Three hours later they were back at the naval yard and Gibbs was ticked.

Tony had taken charge at the crime scene and treated Gibbs like an invalid.

Tony had hovered around him like a mother hen.

Any other day he might have appreciated the attention but then when the two of them were alone Tony had the nerve to ask him where his head was at adding:

“C’mon boss, we ever gonna talk about this? You need to talk to someone….I know you…it has to have fucked you up being shot by a kid!”

Gibbs had basically told him to back off and they hadn’t spoken a word since but now they were together again riding the elevator down to autopsy.

Gibbs bad mood was festering and he fought to control himself when Tony reached out and hit stop.

In the semi darkness Tony turned and said:

“Look boss…I realize I pissed you off out there today. I was just trying to protect you…”

Gibbs didn’t let him finish. He hit the go button and turned to Tony saying:

“You think you know everything DiNozzo…..you don’t know shit!”

Before Tony could respond the doors of the elevator opened and Gibbs stomped off.

Tony looked towards the heavens praying for strength. He had built up the nerve to ask Gibbs to open up. It had backfired but Tony was determined not to give up. He would get Gibbs to respond even if it meant going a round or two with his cranky boss.

Gibbs ignored him as Ducky gave them a preliminary report.

When Ducky was done he could sense the tension between his two friends so he excused himself informing them he needed a tea break and that Mr. Palmer was up in Abby’s lab and was not expected to return for some time.

Before Gibbs could leave Tony sucked up his nerve and said:

“You are pissed at me and this is somehow personal to you Gibbs…”

Gibbs pushed past him growling “This isn’t about me!”

Tony grabbed him by the shoulder and Gibbs spun around yelling:

“HEY! Get off my back!”

Tony’s anger had now reached the surface and he had had enough of Gibbs shit. For years he had been the loyal Saint Bernard. He had endured Gibbs wrath, his moods, and his rogue antics and had done so happily and at his own personal expense. He had suffered under and for this man for years and had done so willingly because he knew Gibbs had always been worth it.

But his long fuse had burned to the end and he was not going to let Gibbs slide anymore.

With a maturity he had always had but had never truly shown he got into Gibbs face and stated:

“I AM NOT LETTING YOU WALK AWAY!”

They stared at each other.

Gibbs… angry and hostile.

Tony… stoic and determined.

Then something happened neither of them expected nor could even explain years down the road when asked how they finally got together.

Taking a step towards each other their lips met.

It was rough and clumsy at first but then wet, and hot and passionate.

Time came to a standstill.

They only broke apart when they heard the crash of fine china and a very Scottish

“Oh MY!”


End file.
